i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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