Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
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