i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
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Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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