My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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