Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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