Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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