You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
