Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Randomize