note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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