he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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