I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
