i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
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My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
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I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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