Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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