16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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