Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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