'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
