He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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