Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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