ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
