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I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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