you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
