Please, let me fuck your mom
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
