Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
