Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What a dumb baby whore.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
