he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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