just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
