I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
