i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
