we have pet lesbian snakes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
