u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
