I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
