Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
