there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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