That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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