I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
