I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
