Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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