Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
