all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
