at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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