What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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