I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
