If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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