I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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