he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
