TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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