Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
