Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
