apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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