She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
