dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
