just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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