So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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