I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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