We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
