so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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