sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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