i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
