I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The uberlube is also flammable
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Someone signed my nipple.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
