listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Two words: nipple clamps
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