Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
