so that wasnt chicken after all
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
