you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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