I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
