i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I need to sanitize my soul.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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