I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
