If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
