I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
