just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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