woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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