Just cropdusted the office
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
