i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
