Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
